011311 Stranded at the Drive In, Branded A Fool...

I've had too much wine tonight. I am a bit sad.

Coincidentally, I am the one who got stranded. My connection flight into ATL got canceled. My new flight out is Friday morning and the connection is JFK, so there isn't much hope that will happen either. Ironically, my lover's connection was in Denver, he landed in snow and made it home local time 9:00pm Wednesday evening!

How am I to sleep without him tonight? I wont be able to. Even though I only got four hours of sleep today (after staying up all night to take him to the aeropuerto at 5:30am). I was so worried about him traveling alone. Maybe it is obvious, maybe it is not, but we don't spend much time apart. In the four and a half years we have known each other maybe we have spent twenty nights apart. I don't know how to sleep without him. Ever since the the very first night I slept in his arms, I have never remembered how not to.

So, now I have had four or five or six glasses of wine. Soon I plan to disconnect from the internet and go to bed to write. Well, maybe I will have one more glass of wine. Okay, maybe two. I am not going to sit here and deny that I like to drink. That I don't like to alter my conscience with one drug or another. Alcohol usually when I hurt.

I saw a movie tonight, with my mother in law, and it has deepened the sadness within me. I've Loved You So Long, written and directed by Philippe Claudel, touched me in a way few films do. Though, not a romance, like my novel, still a great character study and it had me thinking about how, why and when we forgive people, which will be important in my story. As forgiveness is important in life.

Also, today I joined writersbeat.com forum to help immerse myself in the writers culture. I made an introduction post and replied to someone else's. I have to reply to five posts before I am granted permission to start a new thread and I am interested in seeing how many people use substances to help them write, like I do.

Writing is still coming along well. I still feel confident. And besides missing my lover, my thoughts are consumed by my story. I am proud of myself. Really, I am!